Ep 9 - Leading While Healing: When the Message Becomes the Mirror

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Episode Summary

What happens when the leader needs her own medicine?

In this raw, reflective solo episode, I share what it feels like to find yourself completely out of alignment—even while holding space for others to stay in theirs.

I talk about the burnout I didn’t see coming, the ancestral sorrow that surfaced in my body, and the deep discomfort of feeling like a fraud when I couldn’t follow my own message.

Full Episode Transcript

So here’s the truth: I’ve been burnt out.

My neck and back are in pain.

I’ve had to take time off my corporate job. And for a moment—I felt like a fraud.

I talk about alignment. I teach flow.

I run a space called The Natural Leader Hub.

And yet… I found myself completely out of alignment.

And that created this deep tension inside me—a voice that said,

‘How can you lead others if you can’t even follow your own message?’

So I want to talk about that today.

Not as someone with answers. Not as someone who’s figured it all out.

But as a woman who is in it.

In the burnout.

In the remembering. In the beautiful, uncomfortable tension between what was and what wants to be born.

This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt like they should “know better”… and still found themselves unraveling.

You’re not a failure. You’re just human.

And I hope this brings you permission to soften back into your truth.

The Cracking Open Moment

So… here’s where this all really started to unravel.

For the past few months, I’ve been noticing this quiet undercurrent of tension.

And I don’t mean emotional tension—I mean literal, physical tightness in my body.

My neck and back have been in pain.

Like, constant, deep discomfort.

At first, I just ignored it—told myself it was stress or posture or being busy.

But it didn’t go away.

And then it got louder.

The fatigue.

The brain fog.

The sense that I was dragging myself through the day.

Eventually, it got to the point where I had to take a couple of weeks off work… because my body was basically saying:

‘I’m done. You’re not listening. So I’m going to slow you down myself.’

And the truth is—I wasn’t listening.

I was pushing through.

Showing up for everyone.

Being the strong one.

Carrying the weight.

Leading my team. Trying to manage deadlines.

But it didn’t feel like it did before.

It felt… heavy.

Misaligned.

Like I was performing a version of leadership that I no longer believed in.

And what made it harder was this voice inside me that said,

‘But you talk about alignment. You teach flow. You’re building an entire business around natural leadership… so how did you end up here?’

And I’ll be honest, I really had to sit with that.

Because for a moment—I felt like a fraud.

I felt like I should know better.

I felt like I had betrayed my own message.

But what I’m learning—and what this burnout is teaching me—is that this message isn’t something I’m here to perform.

It’s something I’m here to live.

And right now, living it looks like breaking down.

It looks like stepping back.

It looks like listening.

It looks like remembering how to follow what I already know.

Because yes, I guide others back into alignment…

But recently—I forgot how to follow it myself.

My body started telling me long before I was ready to admit it.

And it wasn’t just physical.

The more I slowed down, the more I started to feel things that had been pushed aside for a long time.

That’s when something interesting happened—something I didn’t expect.

Last week I had an appointment with my naturopath who also does kinesiology and intuitive medicine.

And during the energy healing part of the session, something came up that really landed.

She found that I had a trapped emotion showing up… something inherited.

Three. Generations. Back.

And that emotion was sorrow.

Generational Trauma Is Real

And before I move into what happened next, I just want to say this— Generational trauma is real.

We’re not just carrying our own stress or sadness.

We inherit emotional patterns, beliefs, and even energetic imprints from the generations before us.

There’s now research showing that trauma can actually be passed down through our DNA—it’s called epigenetic inheritance.

That means the emotional experiences of our ancestors—like fear, grief, helplessness, or suppression—can get stored in the body and re-expressed in future generations.

So if you’ve ever felt a heaviness you couldn’t explain…

A deep sadness that didn’t seem to belong to your story…

A pattern you keep repeating that feels older than you…

It’s not your imagination.

And that’s why I wasn’t surprised when, in my session with the naturopath, what came through wasn’t just burnout…

It was inherited sorrow.

And suddenly, so much of what I’d been feeling—physically, emotionally, energetically—started to make sense.

The Mirror of the Message

Now, I know some people might roll their eyes at that.

But when she said it—my body knew.

Sorrow.

Not sadness.

Not stress.

Sorrow.

A kind of old, heavy grief.

A sense of being stuck… of having no choice.

And what shook me the most is that it didn’t feel like just mine.

It felt like something passed down.

Like the sorrow of women who came before me—who had to stay quiet, who had to push through, and who had to carry burdens without relief.

Who didn’t get to choose softness.

Who didn’t get to rest.

And here I was…

A modern woman with language like “alignment” and “sovereignty” and “truth”—

But underneath it all…

I was still carrying the belief that I couldn’t stop.

That I didn’t have a choice.

That I had to hold it all together.

That’s when the mirror really appeared.

Because this message I’ve been sharing with the world—about natural leadership, about coming back to your rhythm, about trusting your energy—

It suddenly wasn’t something I was sharing for others.

It was something I desperately needed to hear myself.

My own words became a mirror.

And that reflection was uncomfortable.

Not because I was being dishonest…

But because I had drifted.

And I hadn’t noticed how far I’d gone until my body, my emotions, and this quiet voice inside me said:

‘Come back.’

That’s the moment when I realised—

This message I’m building… this movement I’m dreaming of…

It’s not mine because I’ve mastered it.

It’s mine because I’m still learning how to live it.

And that’s what makes it real.

Leading While Healing

So here I am—someone who teaches alignment, who helps others come back to their natural energy—and I’m also someone who forgot.

Who drifted.

Who burned out.

And I think that’s where the real leadership begins.

Because if I only spoke when I was fully ‘in flow,’ or only showed up when everything looked neat and clean… I’d be lying.

The truth is, I’m learning how to lead while I’m still healing.

And I don’t think we talk about that enough.

We have this idea that leaders have to be a few steps ahead—always composed, always certain, always available.

But what if real leadership is being willing to say:

“I’m still in it. I don’t have all the answers. But I’m showing up anyway—with honesty, with heart, with presence.”

And what I’ve realised is this:

My burnout doesn’t make me a fraud.

It makes me honest.

My tiredness doesn’t mean I’m unqualified.

It means I’m human.

And this message I’ve built—about softness, truth, and flow—it’s not invalidated by my breakdown.

If anything, it’s validated by it.

Because I’m not here to model perfection.

I’m here to model what it looks like to come home to yourself—again and again—when life pulls you away.

And that, to me, is natural leadership.

It’s not about never falling out of alignment.

It’s about not abandoning yourself when you do.

It’s about choosing your personal integrity over performance.

It’s about leading anyway—from the middle of the mess, from the depth of the lesson, from the heart of your own healing.

What I'm Reclaiming

So what do I do now…now that I’ve seen it?

Now that the mirror’s been held up, and I can’t unsee where I’ve drifted?

I reclaim my choice.

I reclaim the truth that I am not stuck.

That I am not powerless.

That I am not here to carry the unspoken grief of generations who didn’t get to choose rest, softness, or self-trust.

I reclaim my rhythm.

I stop apologising for the pace that my body asks of me.

I reclaim my leadership.

Not the kind that looks perfect from the outside…

but the kind that begins inside me—quiet, truthful, sacred.

I reclaim my message.

Because it’s not broken.

It’s not a lie.

It’s just that I had to live it more deeply.

I had to walk it into the dark so I could speak from a place that was real.

And maybe that’s what you need to hear too.

That you’re allowed to pause.

You’re allowed to question it all.

You’re allowed to lead from the middle of your healing, not the end of it.

You are still the message.

You are still the medicine.

You are still the leader.

Even here.

Especially here.

So what I’m reclaiming now is gentleness.

Trust.

And the sacred reminder that I never needed to perform to be powerful.

I just needed to come home.

Your Invitation

So, if you've read this far… thank you.

Thank you for letting me speak from this raw, real place—not as someone with it all figured out, but as someone holding the mirror.

Because I know I’m not the only one standing in this tension—between what we know and what we’re still learning to live.

I know I’m not the only one who’s tired.

Who’s questioning.

Who’s craving something softer, deeper, and more true.

So I’m holding this mirror—not just for me, but for us.

To show that it’s okay to pause.

It’s okay to not have it all together.

It’s okay to be the leader and the one who’s healing.

You’re not a fraud.

You’re not broken.

You’re not behind.

You’re becoming.

And that’s what The Natural Leader Hub is about.

It’s not a space for polished perfection.

It’s a space where truth is safe.

Where we get to lead from our wholeness—not from hustle, not from pressure, not from

performance.

So if your body’s whispering “come home,” like mine did…

The Hub is open.

Come sit with us.

You don’t have to lead alone.

And if this is resonating with you, I’ve created a free somatic release meditation for you to download and listen to when the time is right.

I originally created it for myself, but found it to be so powerful, that I wanted to share it with you too.

You can access it here - https://www.freshcollective.au/from-tension-to-truth

From Tension to Truth - Somatic Release Meditation

Thank you again for listening.

If you know another leader who is feeling a bit lost, or feeling like they are constantly pushing, send them this article.

It might just be the permission they need to pause and reconnect to themselves as well.

Connect & Continue the Conversation

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