Episode 4: Trusting Yourself & Overcoming Self-Doubt

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Episode Summary

Even the most confident leaders experience self-doubt—but the difference is, they’ve learned to trust themselves despite it.

In this episode, we’re diving deep into why self-doubt shows up, how it impacts leadership, and how to overcome it so you can make decisions with confidence.

Full Episode Transcript

Today we’re diving into something that even the most successful leaders struggle with—self-doubt.

We often look at confident, powerful leaders and assume they’ve got it all figured out. But the truth?

Even the most experienced decision-makers have moments of doubt. The difference is, they’ve learned how to trust themselves despite it.

So today, we’re unpacking:

• Why self-doubt is so common (and why it’s not a sign of weakness).

• How conditioning makes us question our instincts—and how to break free from that.

• How to build inner trust so you can lead with confidence.

• How to stop seeking external validation and truly trust your inner knowing.

Why Even Great Leaders Struggle with Self-Doubt

I want to start with a truth bomb: Self-doubt is normal. It’s not a sign you’re a bad leader—it’s a sign that you care. Think about it—if you didn’t care about making the right decisions, you wouldn’t overthink them. If you didn’t care about how your leadership impacts others, you wouldn’t second-guess yourself.

But here’s where the problem comes in: Self-doubt becomes a trap when it stops you from acting.

• You might hesitate instead of taking the lead.

• You overanalyse decisions until you’re stuck in limbo.

• You wait for external validation before trusting your own instincts.

And if you let it take over? It erodes confidence and keeps you playing small.

The Myth of the 100% Confident Leader

There’s this illusion that real leaders are always sure of themselves. But that’s not true. A couple of examples of leaders you should be familiar with:

• Oprah Winfrey once admitted she used to question herself before every big decision.

• Brené Brown, a leadership expert, talks openly about battling imposter syndrome despite being a thought leader.

• Richard Branson says that the difference between successful people and others is not the absence of self-doubt, but the ability to move forward despite it.

So if even these powerhouse leaders experience self-doubt, what does that tell us? The goal isn’t to eliminate self-doubt—it’s to learn to trust yourself anyway.

How Conditioning Makes Us Question Ourselves

So where does self-doubt come from? Why do we question our instincts when we know we have the experience, the skills, and the knowledge?

A lot of it comes down to conditioning.

From a young age, we’re taught to look outside of ourselves for answers.

💡 In school? We’re told to “listen to the teacher” instead of trusting our own problem-solving.

💡 At work? We’re expected to follow the system instead of innovating.

💡 In society? We’re conditioned to believe that success means doing things the "right" way—but whose right way is that?

And then, if you identify as female, a minority, or someone who doesn’t fit the traditional leadership mould? That conditioning is even stronger.

You’ve been subtly (or not-so-subtly) told to question yourself, tone yourself down, and make sure you “prove” yourself first.

So we hesitate before speaking up.

We second-guess decisions we know are right.

We wait for permission instead of leading from our natural instincts.

The reality? You already have the answers inside you. The key is learning to trust them.

The Psychology Behind Self-Doubt – Why Our Brains Are Wired This Way

Now that we’ve explored how self-doubt holds us back, let’s get into something fascinating—the psychology behind why this happens in the first place. Because here’s the thing: self-doubt isn’t random. It’s not a personal weakness. It’s actually a natural response from your brain trying to keep you safe.

So if you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I question myself so much?”—this section is for you.

The Negativity Bias – Why Your Brain Focuses on What Could Go Wrong

Let’s start with something called the Negativity Bias—which, simply put, means that our brains are hardwired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones.

From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense. Imagine you’re one of our early human ancestors, roaming the wild. You have to remember the things that could kill you—like which berries made you sick or which area was full of predators. Your survival literally depended on it.

Fast forward to today, and that same survival instinct is still running the show. Except now, instead of avoiding sabre-tooth tigers, we’re overanalysing decisions, fearing failure, and focusing on every possible way things could go wrong.

So when you hesitate before making a bold leadership move?

When you question whether you’re capable?

When your brain starts replaying a past mistake instead of celebrating a win?

That’s just your brain defaulting to its built-in safety mechanism.

But here’s the problem—what kept our ancestors alive is now keeping us stuck. The Negativity Bias makes us overestimate risks and underestimate our own abilities.

The good news? You can rewire this.

The next time you catch yourself spiralling into self-doubt, ask:

Is this actually a real threat, or is my brain just trying to keep me safe?

What’s the best possible outcome instead of the worst?

By consciously flipping your focus to the positive possibilities, you train your brain to stop assuming the worst and start trusting yourself more.

Imposter Syndrome – Why High-Achievers Still Feel Like Frauds

Now, let’s talk about something that almost every leader experiences at some point—Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome is that nagging belief that you’re not as competent as people think you are—that you don’t really deserve your success, and that any moment now, someone’s going to figure out you’re a fraud.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Studies show that up to 70% of people experience Imposter Syndrome at some point in their careers. And get this—it’s actually more common among high-achievers.

Yep, the more accomplished you are, the more likely you are to feel like a fraud.

So what’s going on here?

It comes down to a gap in perception.

• When we look at other successful people, we only see their wins—the confident speeches, the bold decisions, the highlights. We assume they have it all figured out.

• When we look at ourselves, we see everything—the behind-the-scenes self-doubt, the moments of hesitation, the times we almost made the wrong call.

Because we have more visibility into our own struggles, we assume we’re less capable than the people around us. But in reality? Everyone has these moments.

Even the most successful leaders have questioned themselves. They just don’t let it stop them.

Take Maya Angelou—a world-renowned writer, poet, and speaker. She published over 30 best-selling books and was one of the most respected voices of her time. And yet? She once admitted that every time she released a new book, she was convinced people would "finally figure out she was a fraud."

Or Albert Einstein—who literally changed the course of science. He once wrote that he felt like an “involuntary swindler” who didn’t deserve the recognition he received.

If even Einstein and Angelou battled Imposter Syndrome, what does that tell us?

The doubt is never a reflection of your actual abilities. It’s just a sign that you’re stepping into new territory. And the more you normalise this feeling, the less power it has over you.

So the next time Imposter Syndrome kicks in, try this:

Instead of thinking, “I don’t belong here,” reframe it to, “I’m growing into this space.”

Instead of “I’m not ready,” try “I’m learning, and that’s exactly what I should be doing.”

When you recognise that self-doubt is a sign of growth, not a sign of failure, you stop fearing it—and you start trusting yourself through it.

The Brain’s Fear of Uncertainty – Why Doubt Feels So Uncomfortable

Now, let’s talk about why self-doubt feels so uncomfortable. Our brains are wired to hate uncertainty. It’s another evolutionary survival mechanism—predictability equals safety. If our ancestors didn’t know what was lurking around the corner, they were more likely to be eaten.

Fast forward to today, and this same mechanism still applies—but now, it’s about decision-making.

• Uncertainty triggers fear—because your brain sees it as a risk.

• Doubt kicks in—because if you’re unsure, your brain thinks it’s safer to hesitate.

• You start overthinking—because your brain would rather stay stuck than take a leap into the unknown.

But here’s the kicker: Growth only happens in uncertainty.

Every single leadership decision involves some level of the unknown. There’s no absolute certainty that the path you take will work out. But if you wait until you feel 100% sure, you’ll never take action.

So what’s the solution? You have to retrain your brain to tolerate uncertainty.

Try this:

• Next time you feel self-doubt creeping in, remind yourself: “This isn’t fear—it’s just my brain reacting to the unknown.”

• Instead of looking for guarantees, ask: “What’s the next best step I can take?”

• The more you step into uncertainty, the more your brain gets comfortable with it.

Confidence doesn’t come from waiting until you’re sure. It comes from acting before you feel ready. And the best leaders? They don’t have all the answers. They’ve just trained themselves to trust that they’ll figure it out along the way.

The Cost of Not Trusting Yourself

Before we get into how to trust yourself, let’s talk about what happens when you don’t. Because the truth is, a lack of self-trust isn’t just an internal struggle—it has real consequences for your leadership, your business, and your life.

When you don’t trust yourself, you get stuck in a cycle of overthinking, hesitation, and self-doubt. Instead of making confident decisions, you:

• Wait for permission. You constantly seek validation before taking action.

• Overthink every decision. You second-guess yourself until you feel paralyzed.

• Struggle to lead others effectively. People don’t feel inspired to follow someone who doesn’t trust themselves.

• Miss out on opportunities. Fear of getting it wrong keeps you from taking risks.

And here’s the biggest one—you hand your power away.

When you don’t trust your own judgment, you rely on external opinions to shape your decisions. And the more you do that, the more disconnected you become from your own instincts.

Have you ever felt that? Like you know deep down what you want to do, but you’re afraid to trust it?

Real-World Example: Sara Blakely & The Power of Self-Trust

One of my favourite examples of someone who overcame self-doubt is Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx.

Sara had zero experience in fashion, business, or manufacturing—she was literally selling fax machines door-to-door when she came up with the idea for Spanx. But she had a gut feeling that her product would work.

So she started pitching her idea to manufacturers—and guess what? Every single one of them turned her down. They told her it wouldn’t work, that no one would buy it, that she should give up.

Most people would have let that crush them. But Sara? She trusted herself. She kept going, found one manufacturer willing to take a chance, and the rest is history. If she had listened to all the external voices, she never would have built a billion-dollar company. But she trusted her instinct—even when no one else did.

And that’s the key.

The most successful leaders don’t have less self-doubt than you—they just don’t let it stop them. They’ve learned to trust themselves despite the fear.

Ways to Build Inner Trust & Make Decisions with Confidence

So how do we shift from doubting ourselves to deeply trusting ourselves?

The key is to stop outsourcing your confidence and start strengthening your own ability to trust yourself—without waiting for external approval.

Here are six powerful ways to do just that:

1. Stop Looking for the “Right” Way & Start Looking for Your Way

One of the biggest reasons we doubt ourselves is because we think there’s a right way to do things—and we don’t trust that our way is enough.

• Instead of asking, “What’s the right way?”, ask “What’s the right way for me?”

• Shift your focus from following a formula to creating your own path.

• Give yourself permission to do things in a way that feels aligned and natural to you.

Try this:

The next time you’re faced with a decision, pause before seeking advice. Ask yourself first:

• What do I actually want to do?

• If I trusted myself completely, what decision would I make?

2. Strengthen Your “Self-Trust Muscle” with Small Decisions

Self-trust is like a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it gets. But if you constantly second-guess even small things, it’s hard to trust yourself with bigger decisions.

Try this:

• For one day, commit to making small decisions quickly.

  • What to eat, what to wear, what email to send—make a choice and move on.

• Notice how it feels to trust your first instinct instead of overthinking.

The more you practice trusting yourself in the small things, the more natural it will feel when it comes to big leadership decisions.

3. Use Your Body as a Guide

Your body often knows the answer before your mind does—but we’ve been trained to ignore it.

• If a decision feels heavy, constricting, or draining, it’s probably not aligned.

• If it feels expansive, exciting, or peaceful, that’s a sign it’s in flow.

• When you feel tense or resistant, ask yourself: Am I feeling this because it’s wrong, or because I’m afraid?

Try this:

• Before making a decision, take a deep breath and tune into your body.

• Where do you feel tension?

• What happens if you imagine saying yes to the decision? Does your body relax or tighten?

The more you listen to your body, the more you’ll trust your natural instincts.

4. Build Proof That You Can Trust Yourself

Sometimes we don’t trust ourselves because we’ve made mistakes in the past. But the truth is, you’ve made hundreds of good decisions too—your brain just doesn’t focus on those.

Try this:

• Write down 5 times you made a great decision.

• Remind yourself: I’ve made good decisions before, and I can do it again.

• If you’re struggling, ask: What’s one time I trusted myself and it worked out?

Your brain needs proof to build confidence. Start keeping track of when trusting yourself led to great results.

5. Catch Yourself Seeking External Validation (And Stop!)

If you find yourself asking five different people for advice before making a decision, pause.

Try this:

• Before asking anyone else, check in with yourself.

  • What do I already know about this situation?

  • If I trusted my gut, what would I do?

• Set a "two-opinion limit"—ask no more than two trusted people for input, then decide.

The goal isn’t to never seek guidance—but to break the habit of doubting your own judgment.

6. Take Action Before You Feel 100% Ready

Confidence doesn’t come from waiting until you’re sure—it comes from taking action despite uncertainty.

• You don’t need to feel 100% ready to make a move.

• The best leaders act first and adjust along the way.

• Self-trust is built when you take action and realise you can handle whatever happens next.

Try this:

• Think of one decision you’ve been overthinking.

• Give yourself a deadline to make the call.

• Trust yourself to move forward, even if it’s imperfect.

Final Thoughts

The biggest takeaway today?

Self-trust isn’t about never feeling doubt—it’s about acting despite it.

The more you take ownership of your choices, the more confident you’ll feel in your leadership.

So today, I challenge you:

• Where in your life can you start trusting yourself more?

• What’s one decision you’re going to make without overthinking?

  
  

I’d love to hear your thoughts—send me a message on Instagram or an email and let’s chat about it!

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