Power vs Force - Empowerment vs control

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Episode Summary

For centuries, leadership has been built on command and control—where leaders hold power over others instead of using their power to lift others up. But true leadership isn’t about force—it’s about empowerment.

In this episode, we’re breaking down why force-driven leadership is outdated and why the best leaders don’t rely on micromanagement, fear, or control—they lead with influence, trust, and presence.

Full Episode Transcript

Today, we’re going to talk about something that has shaped leadership for far too long—and that’s force.

For centuries, leadership has been built on the idea of command and control—where leaders have power over others instead of using their power to lift others up.

Think about the traditional leadership models we’ve been conditioned to accept.

The idea that:

Leaders must be in complete control.
Authority must be asserted through dominance.
People follow because they fear consequences, not because they’re inspired.

But Force isn’t leadership. It’s control. And control is not the same as influence.

Today, we’re diving into:

Why traditional standover leadership doesn’t work.
How force creates resistance instead of results.
What real leadership looks like when it’s built on empowerment, not control.

If you’ve ever worked under a leader who led through fear, micromanagement, or dominance—this episode is for you. And if you want to become the kind of leader who inspires instead of controls, keep listening."

The Outdated Model of Leadership

For so long, leadership has been built around the idea of force.

We’ve been told that:

Leaders should take charge and dictate direction.
A strong leader is the one who makes all the decisions.
Power means control. The more you control, the more powerful you are.

And honestly? This model may have worked in the past. But today? It’s failing. We’re seeing it in businesses, governments, and organisations everywhere. The top-down, “do as I say” approach is breaking down—because people don’t want to be controlled. They want to be empowered.

Think about it: When was the last time you felt inspired by a leader who ruled with an iron fist?

Probably never.

Example:

Steve Jobs is widely recognised as a brilliant visionary, but in his early years at Apple, his leadership was heavily driven by force, control, and an uncompromising attitude.

The problem:

Jobs was infamously demanding, harsh, and dismissive of anyone who didn’t meet his impossible standards.
He micromanaged his teams, often belittling employees and rejecting ideas he didn’t personally like.
His "my way or the highway" approach created a culture of fear and burnout, which led to low morale.
He was so focused on pushing his vision through at all costs that he alienated his team and even Apple’s board.
By 1985, despite launching the revolutionary Macintosh, Apple was struggling financially.
Jobs’ dictatorial leadership style had created internal chaos—many executives and employees found him impossible to work with.
The board of directors, fed up with his control tactics and leadership failures, stripped him of his role leading the Macintosh division.
Feeling betrayed and powerless, Jobs actually resigned from Apple—the very company he co-founded.
When Jobs returned to Apple in 1997, he had completely transformed his leadership approach.
Instead of forcing his vision onto others, he learned to trust, delegate, and empower his team.
He built a culture of innovation, where people felt inspired, not controlled.
As a result, Apple skyrocketed under his second tenure—launching the iMac, iPod, iPhone, and transforming into one of the most valuable companies in history.

Key Takeaway: Jobs’ first leadership style was built on force, and it failed. It was only when he learned to lead through vision, collaboration, and empowerment that he became one of history’s most legendary leaders. This also shows, that you can totally learn from your mistakes and come back better than before.

Military Leadership: When Command & Control Fails

If there’s one place you’d expect command-and-control leadership to work, it’s the military, right? But even in environments built on discipline, structure, and hierarchy, leaders who lead by force alone often fail.

Take the Vietnam War, for example. One of the biggest leadership failures in modern military history came from leaders who tried to control everything from the top, without trusting their teams on the ground.

High-ranking generals, operating from headquarters, made battlefield decisions without understanding the actual conditions on the ground. They demanded strict obedience and ignored input from soldiers and officers who had real-time insights. The result?

Troops forced into dangerous missions without context.
Decisions made based on rigid strategies, not adaptability.
A loss of morale because soldiers felt unheard, undervalued, and disposable.

Compare this to modern military leadership, where the most effective leaders empower their teams, trust their intelligence, and make space for decentralised decision-making.

In elite military units—think Navy SEALs or Special Forces—commanders give their teams a mission and objective, but they don’t micromanage every move. Why? Because they know that leaders in the field need to be able to assess situations and make decisions on the fly.

Trust saves lives.

Micromanagement costs them.

And the same applies in business, organisations, and leadership of any kind. The more control you try to exert, the more you slow things down and kill momentum. The more you empower others, the more they rise to the occasion.

That’s why force-based leadership doesn’t work—not even in environments built on structure and discipline. True leadership is about trust, adaptability, and creating the conditions for people to thrive, not just obey.

One of my favourite leadership experts is Simon Sinek. If you haven’t read his books Why Leaders Eat Last and Start With Why, I highly recommend them. Plus he has a bunch of YouTube videos too. He’s amazing!

Sinek ties leadership back to human biology and how trust is built in teams.

And this is exactly why force-based leadership fails.

He talks about how real leadership isn’t about being the most powerful person in the room—it’s about creating safety, trust, and belonging. And when leaders focus on control instead of trust, they destroy the very thing that makes a team strong.

The Role of Biology in Leadership

In Why Leaders Eat Last, Sinek explains that great leadership is built into our evolutionary biology. In early human tribes, leaders weren’t just the strongest or the loudest—they were the ones who protected the group, ensured safety, and made decisions for the greater good.

And our brains still respond to leadership in the same way today.

There are four key chemicals that drive human behaviour—and they play a huge role in leadership.

Endorphins & Dopamine – These are the “selfish” chemicals. They’re responsible for achievement, motivation, and reward.
Serotonin & Oxytocin – These are the “leadership” chemicals. They build trust, connection, and loyalty.

Now, here’s where force-driven leadership gets it completely wrong.

Force-based leaders rely on dopamine-fuelled motivation—“Do this, hit this target, or else.”

It creates a high-pressure, fear-based environment.
It may work in the short term, but over time, it burns people out.
It focuses on individual performance instead of team success.

True leaders, on the other hand, create serotonin and oxytocin-driven environments.

They make people feel valued, safe, and trusted.
They create a culture of service, not self-interest.

And here’s where the title of the book comes in...

Why Leaders Eat Last

Sinek tells a story about the U.S. Marine Corps—one of the most disciplined, structured organisations in the world. And yet, even in the military, the best leaders aren’t the ones who demand authority—they’re the ones who serve.

In the Marines, there’s an unspoken rule: Officers eat last.

At mealtime, the highest-ranking officers stand back and let their soldiers eat first. They take care of their team before taking care of themselves.

And this isn’t just about food. It’s about how great leaders prioritise their people—they create an environment where their team feels safe, supported, and valued.

Compare that to force-driven leadership:

Micromanaging.
Hoarding power.
Making decisions for self-interest.

That kind of leadership breaks trust. It isolates people. It makes them feel like they’re just tools in someone else’s game.

But leaders who put their team first?

They create loyalty.
They build cultures of trust.
They empower others instead of controlling them.

So, ask yourself:

Are you eating first? Or are you leading in a way where your people know they come first?

Because true leadership isn’t about being served—it’s about serving others.

Why Force Creates Resistance

The problem with force: The more you push, the more resistance you create.

Micromanagement? It leads to resentment.

Control? It leads to disengagement.

Fear-based leadership? It kills creativity and trust. You create a bunch of lemmings.

Force is exhausting—not just for the people being led, but for the leader too. And what always makes me laugh, is that those leaders who exude force also hate to be treated that way. No shit, hey?

Leaders who rely on force are constantly:

Proving themselves because they don’t trust that their presence is enough.
Micromanaging because they believe nothing will work unless they control it.
Feeling pressure because if they loosen control, they think things will fall apart.

But real leadership isn’t about power over—it’s about power with.

And that’s the shift we need to make.

Let me give you another example. Imagine this:

A high-end restaurant in Melbourne with a reputation for excellence. The kind of place where every detail matters—from the way the napkins are folded to the exact placement of each dish on the plate. The restaurant's manager, let’s call her Sarah, was obsessed with getting everything perfect. She had worked her way up in the industry, and she believed that to maintain the restaurant’s standard, she had to be involved in everything.

She watched over the chefs’ shoulders, correcting their plating even when it was already perfect.
She rewrote the servers’ scripts, making them say exactly what she thought would impress guests.
She double-checked every reservation, constantly adjusting seating arrangements.
She even followed bartenders’ drink measurements, despite them being trained professionals.

At first, she told herself, This is leadership—I’m making sure everything is running smoothly.

But what actually happened?

Her team lost motivation. The chefs stopped taking creative risks, knowing she would override them.
The servers stopped engaging naturally with guests. They were too focused on repeating her script word-for-word and started sounding like robots.
She was exhausted. By trying to control everything, she was constantly overwhelmed, working 16-hour days, barely sleeping, and carrying the weight of every decision.

One night, surprise surprise—she hit a wall.

During a packed dinner service, she completely froze. She was so overwhelmed that she couldn’t make a single decision. The restaurant carried on without her. The chefs cooked, the servers served, and the guests had no idea that she was standing in the back, unable to move. And that was the moment she realised—she wasn’t leading. She was controlling. And control was sucking the life out of her and her team.

The next day, she made a decision: She was going to trust her team. She let the chefs plate dishes their way. She let the servers engage with guests authentically. She focused on guiding and empowering, rather than micromanaging.

And the restaurant? It didn’t fall apart. It actually thrived.

The chefs took more ownership and started experimenting with new dishes, earning more rave reviews than ever.
The servers felt confident and natural, which improved guest satisfaction.
Sarah found energy again—because she wasn’t carrying everything alone.

Sarah thought that controlling everything meant maintaining excellence. But in reality, control was killing creativity, draining her energy, and crushing her team’s morale. The moment she stepped back and started empowering others, she became a true leader.

Forcing Yourself vs. Allowing Flow

We’ve talked about how force creates resistance in leadership, but there’s another layer to this as well— and that’s forcing yourself.

How often do we try to force things into place?

Forcing a decision before it feels right.
Pushing yourself to work harder when your body is begging for rest.
Trying to control every detail because you don’t trust things to unfold naturally.

We live in a culture that glorifies grind, hustle, and making things happen. We’ve been conditioned to believe that if we’re not constantly pushing forward, we’re falling behind.

But what if that’s the exact mindset keeping us stuck? Because when you force things, you block flow.

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were trying so hard to make something happen—a job, a project, or maybe a relationship—only to feel like you were hitting wall after wall? And then, when you finally let go, suddenly things started falling into place?

That’s the power of flow.

True leadership isn’t about forcing yourself to be productive, successful, or in control at all times. It’s about knowing when to step back, when to trust the process, and when to allow things to unfold naturally.

And when you shift from forcing to allowing, you create space for:

Clarity – Because when you stop pushing, you actually start seeing solutions.
Alignment – Because when you stop forcing yourself into roles or expectations, you open up the path that’s truly right for you.
Energy – Because when you stop burning yourself out trying to make things happen, you actually have energy to lead effectively.

So, if you’ve been pushing, grinding, and trying to force your way forward, I want you to ask yourself:

Where can I soften? Where can I step back? Where can I trust that things will come together without me gripping so tightly?

Because just like leadership isn’t about controlling others, it’s also not about controlling every step of your own journey."

The Shift: Leading with Empowerment, Not Force

So, what does leadership look like when it’s based on empowerment instead of control? Here’s the difference—not just in how we lead others, but in how we lead ourselves.

People Who Lead with Force (Over Others & Themselves):

Make every decision themselves because they don’t trust others—or their own intuition.
Demand compliance instead of inspiring commitment, even within themselves (forcing productivity, pushing past exhaustion).
Focus on control instead of trust, micromanaging their team—or their own path in life.
View leadership as authority, needing to prove their worth through action, instead of seeing leadership as a role of service and alignment.
Force outcomes, trying to make things happen on a rigid timeline instead of allowing flow.

People Who Lead with Empowerment (Over Others & Themselves):

Give others and themselves space to take ownership of their work, decisions, and growth.
Create environments of trust and autonomy, knowing that real leadership is about support, not control.
See leadership as shared responsibility, not something they must carry alone—or force themselves through.
Understand that real power is shared, not hoarded, both in how they lead their teams and how they show up for themselves.
Know when to push forward and when to step back, leading with intuition instead of relentless force.

Empowered leadership isn’t just about how you treat others—it’s about how you treat yourself too.

So ask yourself:

Am I leading myself with trust, or am I micromanaging my own life?

Am I forcing myself into control, or am I allowing space for growth, creativity, and flow?

Because the way you lead yourself sets the tone for how you lead others.

If you’re constantly forcing, micromanaging, and controlling yourself, it’s only natural that you’ll start leading others the same way.

But when you shift into empowerment, trust, and alignment within yourself, that’s when you can truly lead with impact.

How to Lead Through Empowerment Instead of Force

Here are a few key shifts to step into leadership that empowers instead of controls—both in how you lead others and how you lead yourself:

✨ Stop Leading From Ego, Start Leading With Trust

Many leaders fear that if they’re not the one making every decision, they’ll lose their authority. But real authority doesn’t come from control—it comes from trust.

And that trust isn’t just about others—it’s about trusting yourself, too.

If you don’t trust yourself to pause, rest, or take the time to make aligned decisions, you’ll end up forcing your way through leadership instead of flowing with it.

Trust works because it creates buy-in, ownership, and accountability—when people feel trusted, they step up, take responsibility, and bring their best to the table, not because they have to, but because they want to. The same is true for you: when you trust yourself, you step into leadership with clarity, ease, and alignment.

Action Step: Identify one area where you can delegate more and trust others to step up—or, on a personal level, where you can trust yourself to step back instead of forcing action.

✨ Create Buy-In Instead of Demanding Obedience

When people understand why they’re doing something, they’re naturally more engaged. Instead of saying, “Do this because I said so,” a great leader says, “Here’s why this matters.”

But what about when you’re leading yourself?

Instead of forcing yourself into productivity or hustling for the sake of it, ask: Why does this matter to me? Are you moving toward something that excites and energizes you, or are you pushing yourself out of obligation and expectation?

Buy-in fosters commitment, creativity, and problem-solving—when people (or you) see the bigger vision, they take ownership, contribute new ideas, and feel personally invested in the outcome, rather than just following orders.

Action Step: In your next conversation or meeting, focus on the bigger vision instead of just instructions. And on a personal level, ask yourself, am I pushing forward with purpose, or just forcing action for the sake of it?

✨ Encourage Autonomy, Not Dependency

A great leader doesn’t make themselves indispensable—they develop others so they can thrive independently.

And the same is true for self-leadership: If you constantly push yourself to do everything, never taking a break, never allowing space, you create a dependency on pressure and force.

I don’t know how many times I’ve had to tell someone that you don’t look good by taking the credit—you look good when you demonstrate how your team deserves the credit. And that’s because you’ve empowered them to do amazing work! The same applies to how you treat yourself—real success isn’t about how much you personally achieve, it’s about how well you create sustainable ways to keep going.

Autonomy builds confidence, loyalty, and long-term success—when people (and you) are trusted to make decisions and own contributions, growth happens naturally, without pressure or force.

Action Step: Ask yourself, Am I making decisions for people, or am I helping them develop the confidence to make their own? And on a personal level: Am I constantly making myself responsible for everything? Where can I allow more flow and less force?

✨ Shift From “Power Over” to “Power With”

Real power isn’t about being the most important person in the room. It’s about creating a space where everyone rises together—including you.

When leadership is shared, collective success becomes greater than individual achievement—because when people feel valued, supported, and empowered, they bring their full potential to the table, lifting the entire team to new heights.

And in self-leadership? Real power isn’t about pushing harder—it’s about aligning with what actually works for you. It’s about recognising that stepping back, trusting the process, and creating space isn’t weak—it’s what allows true strength and resilience to emerge.

Action Step: Find a way to uplift someone else this week—whether it’s mentoring, giving credit, or creating space for their voice to be heard. And for yourself: Find one area where you can let go of control and allow things to unfold naturally.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, leadership isn’t about control—it’s about empowerment.

So here’s my challenge for you this week:

Where are you leading with force?
Where can you shift into empowerment? Because the strongest leaders aren’t the ones who hold all the power—they’re the ones who create space for others to rise.

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

What’s one shift you’re making to lead with empowerment instead of control?

Links & Products mentioned

📌 Simon Sinek's TED Talk: "Why Good Leaders Make You Feel Safe"

📖 Read Simon Sinek's book: Why Leaders Eat Last

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Episode 3: Power vs Force